March 26, 2020 | By Su Karagoz A20

Cookie Chang is from Taichung, Taiwan. Her senior essay is entitled “Between Love and Suffering: Confessional Language in Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment.”

What was at the heart of your argument?

I make a valiant attempt to answer the question: What really lies at the basis of confessional language? Ultimately, I think the answer came down to whether or not it is actions or words that constitute confessional language. (I think it might be both!)

How did your essay connect to different aspects of the Program from throughout your four years?

I think this essay really came down to the idea of faith. Can what we say and believe really come across through the way we use language? Or is language simply a vehicle for the action that we are trying to convey? My essay tried to touch upon a lot of themes we talked about in sophomore year with faith, love, and the role of confession (in the Bible, the Confessions, even a little Dante, perhaps); a little bit of junior year with politics (a little bit of Middlemarch, a little bit of Pride and Prejudice); and senior year, with the never-ending inquiry into the infinite and unknown.

How did the role of faith in your own life shape your essay?

I’ve always struggled with being a practicing Buddhist. I think my upbringing had a lot to do with my insecurity to my faith and the commitment that came with this faith. Sophomore year, of course, was eye opening. I think I was waiting for an Augustinian conversion moment—I really felt like that was going to be my calling to faith, that the decision to faith was going to be made for me. I think the role of faith to me is still bittersweet. I don’t think I had a conversion moment, or maybe I am missing the point completely, and I have had a conversion moment but I am still unsure. Dostoevsky allowed me to ask myself why I am unsure, why lacking a commitment to faith is truly an acceptable state of existence, and why I perhaps still feel the “Angst” every time I listen to the Passion.

At what point do you think the importance of language became central to your discussion?

I think language has always been at the forefront of my discussion, even from my first reading of Crime and Punishment. I had no idea that confessional language was going to play such a big role until my initial meeting with Ms. Kirby. She had asked me what I wanted to focus on and what I thought of Raskolnikov’s relationship with Sonya. I didn’t really have a response and mumbled something about confession. Maybe, to my chagrin, this goes back to Augustine again. I was guided and affected by Confessions, and that lasting, wax-sealed impression of what purpose confession played for Augustine was something that I felt became a central role in my exploration with Sonya. I think Sonya is in many ways the woman I want to be. She is honest, compassionate, and loving. But more importantly, she expresses all of these qualities that she exemplifies through the way she speaks. Thus began my interest and her embodiment of confessional language.

What was the writing process like for you?

Since I was writing not only on an off-Program book but also on a big book, I started really early. I tried to read the book a little earlier with my lovely advisor Ms. Kirby, so we embarked on quite an adventure. I would say the writing process was very enjoyable. I left myself with a lot of space to think about all the questions I wanted to explore and time to wander around the streets of Annapolis, coming up with synonyms for “confession” (there were not many, I ended up using too many “confessions”).

What is the most important lesson you've learned during your time at St. John’s?

I guess that every time you have a conversation with someone, no matter if it’s around the table or just on campus, you generate something, sometimes even a connection.